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If I could be somebody else....
Wednesday, July 29, 2009
I would... I so would...
This is way too hard...
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What Hurts The Most...
Wednesday, July 22, 2009
This would be the 500th opening line that I've typed here.. There's so much going on in my mind tonight.
First, that I need God more now than ever. This semester has got to be for Him. Not for me, not for any boy or any friend. It has to be 100% for God or it simply won't work out. I spend far too much time day dreaming and making plans for how I would like my life to be.. but being honest here for just one second.. how well has that worked out so far? Not so well at all. I loved a boy once and it ruined my life. I let him get between me and God cause I was just so damn desperate to have a "love" in my life that was tangible... I knew God loved me but it seemed like He wasn't right here... He couldn't give me hugs and play with my hair and tell me that everything would be swell. I am determined not to lt that happen again. So why do I keep trying to make that happen? Liking these boys.. sure they're lovely and some of them seem straight up amazing... but when I take matters in to my own hands and try to make them love me or trick them in to loving me it doesn't go so well... let's face it boys want pretty girls and girls that are sure of who they are and who God made them to be. To be honnest, I don't think I am any of those things right now and until I have dealt with that I'm in no state to date. But I still want to so bad... But it seriously can't be right when you've known a boy for 2 days and u already like him... I hardly know him... and this is the way it always goes... I'm in love with the thought of being in love... I meet a boy.. and he seems nice or is the slightest bit of kind towards me and then BAM I've invented some kind of image of him in my mind and I fall in love with that image... then how ever long down the track I discover that he isn't what i dreamed he was.. my heart gets broken. I actually do wear my heart on my sleeve... This needs to stop. This is the year that I learn to be satisfied with the love of God.
Second: It breaks my heart to see my friends hurting... especially [Charlie] ... He doesn't deserve a broken heart.. He's the sweetest boy.. ever since I've known him all he has ever done is love people.. He loves and loves and loves even when he doesn't get it returned to him. And it's destroyed his faith.. and that breaks my heart... I could actually cry over it. God, You know who I mean by Charlie. You know his heart, You see his hurting.. Please God... give him a fresh revelation of your love for him... He wants a relationship with you.. he really does but he can't find a way and I just pray that you just meet him where he is right now lord.. That you heal his heart and you place the right people in his life to help him on the journey.. I pray that you give us the right words too.. especially when he asks those big questions. Please, let him know he is loved.
There's more but I just can't find the right words for it... Sometimes it's horrible being a creative person... Sometimes the emotions get the better of me... I'm sorry.
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Look At me Mum! I'm Blogging!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Wow I'm finally updating for the whole nobody that's gonna read this...
Hokai So....
Here is de blog, chillin... damn dat is a sweet blog you might say... WRONG
Anywho... now that's out of the way let's get down to business, I don't got no time to play around what is this??
My life at a glance here and now...
*LOVE my school and nearly (key word being nearly) all the people in it
*LOVE my friends <3
Wow I fully just realised that there's a lot of things that I'm very unsure about right now...
Maybe without knowing it I actually wrote my last song to minister to myself... hmmm interesting...
I'm trying to be organised and so far It's not working... that's stressful...
But what is more stressful is spending so much time wondering if people are being genuine... Why can't people let their yes mean yes and their no mean no so-to-speak? There's nothing more repulsive than people being somebody to your face then a whole other person behind your back...
Some people need a kick up the backside... and or a slap in the face with a wet fish... Where is the respect for others? Why does nobody seem to care about their work?
In Ephesians Four:
21 Since you have heard about Jesus and have learned the truth that comes from him, 22 throw off your old sinful nature and your former way of life, which is corrupted by lust and deception. 23 Instead, let the Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes. 24 Put on your new nature, created to be like God—truly righteous and holy. 25 So stop telling lies. Let us tell our neighbors the truth, for we are all parts of the same body.
i like it :)
It's weird coz I know it's not my problem as such.. but It really hurts me when people hurt the people I care about or let them down.. And yes, I love my tutors... They're all people that i really admire and look up to... So when somebody doesn't come to class and even texts the whole class to tell them it's cancelled when it's not.. it REALLY bugs me... "Let The Spirit renew your thoughts and attitudes... So stop telling lies" pure gold :)
Thank you Lord for grace and patience..
Man oh man this has been one greatly disjointed blog...
I have much much more to blog about.. but nothing of value would come out right now...
*end rant*
Much Love and Fluffy Bunnies <3
Sarah Jay xoxoxLabels: Music, Sarah Jay, School
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Gold and Silver
Monday, April 6, 2009
You slipped from my arms, I knew you had to go
Such a heavy heart, who could hope to hold
And I know where you're going, and that's the hardest part
No matter where tonight ends, you won't escape your broken heart
Stay a while
Helpless for the words, and it tightens up the air
It's not what you deserve, it's not for lack of care
Inside of me is screaming out, I'm praying for my prayers
Distracting and unworthy of each and every burning tear
Seems insincere
Do I see God in all of this, maybe all along
It's just that we're so small, and simply not as strong
Strong like wings of silver, and feathers made of gold
To carry heavy hearts, to cover all our helpless souls
To cover all of us
Under wings of Gold and Silver sometimes we have to hide
For shelter from this bitter winter at least tonight
If it were mine to give I'd give you your own time
Turn it back or forward whatever you decide
Stay a while
Labels: Gold and Silver, song, Stavesacre
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In The Beginning...
Sunday, March 22, 2009
"I tried to read between the lines
I tried to look in your eyes
I want a simple explanation
For what I'm feeling inside
I gotta find a way out
Maybe there's a way out
Your voice was the soundtrack of my summer
Do you know you're unlike any other?
You'll always be my thunder, and I said
Your eyes are the brightest of all the colors
I don't wanna ever love another
You'll always be my thunder
So bring on the rain
And bring on the thunder"
Siiiiggggh... I like that song... I don't really know why I'm doing this blog.... Zab is probably the only person in the world who will ever bother to read it... teeheeeheeee :) yooh soh funnnayh.... So i was at the rock shop today looking at everything I want and can't afford (boohoo).... this inspired me to write a list of all the things I currently would like from the rockshop and or various other places... YAAAAAAAY
* 25ft XLR Cable :)
* A little adapter thing so I can plug my XLR Cable into my computer for recording purposes :)
* The Score for Twilight :)
* A Bass Guitar
* A Bass Amp
* An Electric Accoustic
* A Keyboard Amp for my beautiful RD300gx :)
* A Mackie Monitor Speaker or two :)
* PRO TOOLS!!!! :)
* New Strings For my Guitarrrr
* The Boy Behind the Counter :) :)
* More Guitar Picks
* A Nord Stage Piano
* A Mini Synth :D
* Pretty Much All These Things And Everything Else In Store :)
Thank You Jesus for all those things and more :)
I wish I had been more productive with my weekend... I wasted all Saturday Dying in bed... LAAAAAAAAME... But atleast we had fun in Raglan at night! It was soooo prettyful with all the starrrrrs :)
I would just like to take this opportunity that it is only 4 DAYS!!! until THE FRAY!!! yussssssss Zab and I shall have such good times :D
"Today is a winding road that's taking me to places that I didn't want to go
Whoa (whoa, whoa, whoa)
Today in the blink of an eye I'm holding on to something and I do not know why
I tried"
my England is good like.
That's a bit contravertial...
Labels: Boys Like Girls, Sarah-Jay, The Fray, The Rockshop, Thunder, Zab
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